Hi everyone!

I hope you’re doing well and having a good weekend, keeping busy at home. I’m feeling a little disoriented as I’ve pretty much slept all day and woke up in a bit of pain.

I checked on my Facebook to see what my friends and family have posted, and I saw that my old school friend had shared a photo from our school days with her and another person who in their post, more photos were shared.

I’m not going to say any names but if you read this and think what I’m saying is referring to you then it may just be you. 😊 My blog and this website is public, and I understand that not everyone wants their name or photos shared publicly.

It was lovely seeing the photos and it made me smile to see those who I went to school with having fun. In my school, when you’re in Year 8 (I think) they have the option of taking you to France for a few days. I remember thinking I would have liked to have gone, but I was anxious about whether the lady who helped me in school was able to go as there was me and another pupil who she looked after, I didn’t know if my parents could afford to let me go and if I was included or not by the others.

A few years ago, some of my classmates had arranged a reunion get together and there were about 19/20 of us altogether. My lovely friend had took me. I remember feeling really nervous beforehand because it had a long time since I’d seen most of them. I was very excited though. I really tried hard to be confident and I think I managed to be. We all had some photos took together.

However it did make me feel a little sad because whilst all the others had shared memories; in school, school trips and out of school. I didn’t really have that with many.

Last night I was chatting with a school friend who I was good friends with, and like she said, I was quiet and shy, until I got to know someone. This was me in school. I’d gone from being quite confident and settled, in a class that I’d spent every day with for five years. I knew everyone, I might have not been good friends with everyone in the class but I knew them. So when I went to senior school, I wasn’t full time at first, it was a bigger school and there were lots of new people. In my form, there was only four others (I think) from my previous school and I hardly saw any of my other friends as we were all split into different forms and classes. I lost my confidence and I felt intimidated, which I think was because all of my closest friends from my old school had made new friends and I didn’t feel like I fitted in. I’ve always found it easy to make friends buy found it hard with the majority of those in my year. I guess this is where my social anxiety started...

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Symptoms of social anxiety

Social anxiety is more than shyness. It's a fear that does not go away and affects everyday activities, self confidence, relationships and work or school life.

Many people occasionally worry about social situations, but someone with social anxiety feels overly worried before, during and after them.

You may have social anxiety if you:

• worry about everyday activities, such as meeting strangers, starting conversations, speaking on the phone, working or shopping
• avoid or worry a lot about social activities, such as group conversations, eating with company and parties
• always worry about doing something you think is embarrassing, such as blushing , sweating or appearing incompetent
• find it difficult to do things when others are watching – you may feel like you're being watched and judged all the time
• fear being criticised, avoid eye contact or have low self-esteem
• often have symptoms like feeling sick, sweating, trembling or a pounding heartbeat (palpitations)
• have panic attacks , where you have an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety, usually only for a few minutes

Many people with social anxiety also have other mental health issues, such as depression , generalised anxiety disorder or panic disorder.

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Towards the end of my school leaving year, I did get close to a group of girls. One of these girls is who I was talking to last night, it was great to catch up with her and to be in contact with her again after such a long time.

After leaving school, I went away to Lancaster to college and I stayed in touch by letters with a good friend from both primary and senior school, she would keep me updated with what was happening. This was great but it made me feel a little sad because obviously we had all moved on and tbh, I didn’t really know some of the people she mentioned but I’m grateful that she wrote to me.

I still have social anxiety and I think I will do for the rest of my life. When I met up with the others a few years ago, I came away feeling happy because the majority that were there made the effort to talk to me, and make sure that I was included. It felt good.

Since, I have met up with a few friends from my year, two or three times and I class another as a close friend of mine. So it has been good to see old photos being shared even if it does make me a little sad for the reasons I’ve said and I think it’s great that I can be myself on my social media which I’d like to think helps others see me for me.

So here’s a 🥂 (even though I don’t drink!) to the 18 years since we left school and let’s maybe try to set up another reunion where more can attend.

Love Katie ❤️