Hi everyone, how are you all doing?

When I was between the ages of sixteen and nineteen, I was taught that I have a voice. During my time at this college, they helped build up my confidence and encouraged me to use this newly found voice. Even though there were times where I felt like they didn’t understand where I was coming from or liked it, when I expressed myself… I won’t go into the subjects that I spoke up about, or when I was expressing myself as I want this blog post to be mostly positive and encouraging. However, in the educational side of college, things went more positive for me. Throughout my time at this college, I was the secretary of the student council and this definitely helped increase my confidence in myself. I’ve always felt passionately about advocating for other people, even during school until I lost my confidence.

When it was my year’s turn to apply to be on the school council, I applied. I didn’t hear anything back from my head of year teacher, so I decided to hunt him down. He then told me that because of how I am, he didn’t think I was capable. I remember I even questioned him and said that I might not be able to do everything that the other kids could do but I could at least try. So as he could see how disappointed I obviously was, he gave me a badge that said ‘helper’ which made me feel like it was just a bribe or something like that. Looking back, I think I was definitely capable of suggesting ideas, working alongside the other kids in decision making etc rather than ‘helping’ which I see it as more physical.

Another time that knocked my confidence was also at school when I realised that I was not having any support in my main GCSE lessons, and I went to see the head of maths who I actually felt comfortable with, I was told that based on my work, I no longer needed support and I explained that it was the physical support I needed, also that I felt comfortable in his classes when I had him in the previous year. But then he brought the conversation to an end and I felt frustrated. I was struggling in my other lessons too. Looking back, I should have spoken to the lovely lady who had been looking after me in all of my lessons in the previous years and out of class support. I didn’t want to bother her, I knew that there probably wasn’t much she could have done as she was put with the other student who I had previously shared classes with. This really did knock my self esteem.

I’m sorry I said I didn’t want to get negative but I guess you need to understand what caused me to lose my confidence and to hopefully see how I gained it back ever since.

At college, I feel like I made a lot of positive things happen for the students and I don’t mean to sound conceited when I say this. I made a friend ‘N’ who really was like an extension of my arm, whenever we were apart, I was always asked where she was, ha ha! I supported her when she went to see one of the bosses who was in charge of the educational side as from the conversation we had (she used a Dynavox – a talking device where she’d press on the screen what she wanted to say) she was bored and found her classes too easy. By the next term, the teaching groups had begun to change. There was ‘CSL’ (Communication and Supported Living), then there was a middle group (can’t remember the name of this group) and then the top group ‘Vocational Studies’. So the VS, was the group I was in, where it had students that had the most abilities and the CSL group had mostly students who had the most severe disabilities. My friend was in the middle group. So when the changes were made, they added more groups, like Vocational Studies 1 and 2. My friend was put in the 2nd group. Even my best friend ‘L’ was moved to the same group as me, if I remember correctly, but at the time, I hadn’t gotten to know her very well. This was one of my proudest moments to see friends enjoying their lessons more and learning more from them. I also became the editor of the college newsletter. My living area for my first 2 and a half years, I was the secretary for the weekly meetings. They did listen to me when I was struggling in the said living area and requested a move to another living area, where I felt like I was proud for putting myself first for one of the rare times there. Outside of classes and my living area, there were plenty of activities that I was able to do such as filming, editing, archery and even indoor skiing. I kept on about having the chance to try this and maturely accepted any injury if I sustained any but at the time, it was my body and I wanted to try things while I could!

Then when I was at my next college which was local to me, after a challenging first year… I was finding my feet and getting used to the college. Things vastly improved when I started having two wonderful support ladies ‘M’ and ‘J’. They gave me so much time and space to really go after my dreams, and speak up. We became quite the team! I was the winner of two separate awards, one in college and one in the county awards. This really accelerated my confidence and self believe.

Okay, this blog post is proving to be rather long and I don’t really want to apologise for this but if this can help you understand me more or if it encourages you to find your voice then that is wonderful.

I feel so thankful that I have a voice and that I can share it in whichever form I choose to use it , whether it being here, on Twitter, my Facebook page (link is on this site) or on my YouTube channel. There are so many who don’t have this platform. I’m no celebrity with hundreds and thousands of followers but when I count all of my social media site, then I guess I have quite a few. Whether they all take any notice, who knows and I’m just so grateful for those that do take the time to listen and watch.

As I’ve gotten older, I’m understanding myself more and questioning why I am like I am. I consider myself to be like a humanitarian, I care about humans and wanting everyone to have equal rights and to have even just the essentials such as clean water, a roof over a head and to feel safe. A woman to be in charge of her body. A person to be treated fairly no matter the colour of the skin, disability, location, status and so on. We are all important and we all matter. We should all be able to access the same things and opportunities.

A long time ago, when I was in my twenties, I decided to stop buying celebrity gossip magazines… I hated how they would compare whether you were ‘hot or not’ ‘fat or skinny’ etc, and seeing how the press/media hound individuals in the public eye. I will never forget how it felt to see the news when Lady Diana had tragically died… and how the paparazzi would crowd round the scene like vultures. I was just 12 years old and I was shocked by what I saw. It scared me. Knowing that The Duke of Sussex was a month of turning 13 at the time, even back then, I couldn’t begin to imagine how it must have been for him to lose his mum and so publicly. Truly horrific. Ever since, he has rightly hated the press/media for the hounding of her. Now, sadly, all these years later, history is repeating itself. Also, people have learned how Britney Spears has gone through similar. The press/med using people’s struggles against them in the worst ways. Last year, tv presenter Caroline Flack sadly took her own life as a result fr the press/media.

What is it going to take for the press/media to finally realise how their vicious headlines, targeted harassment and the relentless hounding are to people, and how dangerous/harmful they are?!! Another unnecessary death?

I have to use this voice that I have for the greater good. I can’t just sit by and let history keep repeating itself over and over. I will not turn to bullying tactics because that would make me worse than those that we need to get through to. When voices unify, it can become so powerful and incredible!! We need more love, show solidarity and stand up to bullies.

Anyway, if there’s anything you would like me to discuss further on here or on my YouTube channel, then please let me know. I have so much more to say. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Lots of love to you all,

DinkyKt

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤